Primitive Defense Mechanisms
Let's start off with a simple question.
Is anyone completely and undeniably trustworthy?
My answer is no. Big shocker right?
From my personal and biblical perspective , No one is completely trustworthy except for God. We can try, we can strive, we can reach for the ideal. At the end of the day we will fall short of being completely worthy of another individuals trust.
I tend to instinctually find myself looking for reasons not to trust. As if the reason will grant merit to the outcome/ reality. Even coming from a place of knowing that complete trust in others is unattainable, I still set myself up for failure. I usually will find my reasons, and they usually bring zero resolve.
The process is self driven by nature.
Even in the simplest of experiences, such as walking into an elevator. We look at the buttons and the lights. We listen to hear for the 'ding'. Maybe even sometimes we are greeted with a reassuring elevator robot voice! We are constantly assessing, factoring in the variables, searching for agendas. We are always discerning.
This isn't to say we CAN'T trust.
It just means our natural capacity to trust has a limit. For those reading and are 'likeminded in the faith', for us that is when we find peace at the limitless trust we find in our infinite creator. In these experiences and sometimes in the moment of awareness itself, we tend to fall on our primitive defense mechanisms.
In the moment we may begin to 'keep our head above the water' or desire the elation of personal power. We may clamor for dependency or perhaps use sarcasm to alleviate the pain.
These primitive defense mechanisms kick in fast. You may have experienced these yourself.
Blaming Denial Manipulation
Control Justices Fixation
Retrospection Minimization Projection
(you fill in the blank)
When an individual believes their trust is broken or decreased, fear becomes the rudder to their emotions.
People tend to move away from things that challenge their belief systems. These primitive defense mechanisms are our 'attack modes', whether in a passive or active manner.
We are set up to desire trust and chase after truth, respect, understanding, safety, investment, external care, and genuineness. Since not a single person can completely offer all these things all of the time to their fullest capacity, we are left with this conclusion.
We are people that are prone to rejection and shame.
This is why people need evidence. Trust doesn't just show up to the party. It has to either be invited or brought with a friend. Yes, our job as people is to give sufficient evidence for trust. Even if we can't fully embody it. Jesus is love, but Jesus didn't do everything for everyone who wanted him to do something.
To love does not mean to appease.
What love WILL do is grant feedback, dissect and reflect identity, focus on restorative balance.
What love does not do is tear away at the flesh of others (the literal root meaning of the word sarcasm). Indeed, the above defense mechanisms are primitive and will not bring feedback, identity, or balance.
They will however, keep us from growing. Our primitive defense mechanisms, not individuals, will stand in our way.
What stands in the way of you growing today, right now?
Geries Shaheen is a Provisionally Licensed Professional Counselor operating in and around St. Louis Missouri. Geries teaches psych classes as an Adjunct at Saint Louis Christian College and offers Adolescent/ Family Therapy through Preferred Family Healthcare . Geries holds his BA in Intercultural Studies from Lincoln Christian University, and his MA in Professional Counseling from Lindenwood University. Holding a certificate in Life Coaching, Geries provides life coaching services to clients online throughout the nation.
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