Geries Shaheen • May 13, 2017

Top 10 Couples Counseling Remarks

1) "It feels like we're roommates."
It's that feeling when you "just exist". When your identities become like two ships passing in the night. Sure you do your part; the chores, the wifely or husbandry duties, present with familiar responses and predictable retaliations. You become robotic. You become detached. When this happens and you have passed the threshold of detachment, it becomes easier to blame the other person. You may find yourself painting them in a darker light. Vilifying the individual becomes very easy.

Prompt : Considering you are aware of your portion, perhaps that is where you can start. Whether or not your partner is "just existing" or operating as a roommate does not mean you have to reciprocate. You are only responsible for your actions and reactions. The only thing you can truly control is your response to your environment.

2) "I cheated because my needs weren't being met."
Your needs are completely valid. Perhaps you have found yourself lost in the relationship, having to be left without fulfillment or satisfaction. You found yourself on a gradual path toward seeking to meet your needs elsewhere. While your needs are valid, at some point it causes pain for the other party. This leaves you taking on a role that is superior to your partner. It becomes a decision to split away from your commitment in order to have your own desires fulfilled. This also has left you, yourself, broken. A piece of you is now fractured considering you were willing to break a commitment. Much healing is required on both fronts and as a relational unit. The person who cheated requires healing, the person cheated against requires healing, the person cheated with requires healing, and the definition of the couple as a unit requires healing.

Prompt : Considering the past in now placed in a concrete and fixed position, we are not able to fully erase the occurrence. However, each person can focus on their process of healing, their own journey. At some point those two paths will merge back to one if truly desired. It may be beneficial to start off with an agreed decision, a solid rock decision of what each person truly wants or needs at this point. From there the message will be clear, and you can better focus on the method of those roads toward healing.

3) "He/ She always sides with the kids!"
If the mentality has now become so two sided that kids are thought of as a source of negativity, it may be time to take a step back and restructure your perspective. You are lying to yourself if you believe there are sides to chose from. This is usually a primitive response associated with blame. We begin to believe that there absolutely must exist a scapegoat in order for our feelings to be justified or considered. People tend to find the most vulnerable placeholder to target. When we point to innocence as being the scapegoat to our problems, rather than take ownership of our portion, we in turn became the very children we are blaming.

Prompt : If you find yourself saying something like "You always side with the children, you never consider me." perhaps look in a mirror for a few minutes and really think about what you are saying. After you have done so, start your conversation with your partner over again with something like "I often do not feel heard which in turn makes me feel unloved. Can you help me understand if this is true.". Use big people words, not grunts, huffs and puffs.

4) "I am not given opportunities to lead/ He is not leading me."
So you have found yourself not being given ample opportunities to take charge! Or perhaps the opposite, you are not feeling led. First question to ask yourself, "Have I made it clear that I desire to lead?", or " Have I made it clear I require leadership?". If not, perhaps what you are truly experiencing is a communication breakdown due to passivity rather than a deep desire to lead/ be led. The first step in either desire is to be courageous enough and humble enough to do something about it. The trick then becomes to merge courage and humility within the confines of your unique couple dynamic/ relationship.

Prompt : Begin by sifting through all the emotive words you have stored within yourself. Express them. Next sit down and jot out your identified fears and develop boundaries from those fears. This draft will be your charter within your relationship. A role identifier.


5) "I have lost my identity. I don't know who I am anymore"
Years can pass in what seems like days. One day you are at the wedding alter or on your first date, the next you find yourself 10 years into a relationship forgetting why you are even in love with that person. It happens. We tend to gravitate to the routine, the familiar. We end up floating down the river of life and finding ourselves operating on autopilot. We slowly and gradually lose pieces of ourselves. It becomes harder to remember, embody, and live out our true identities.

Prompt : Reflect on what parts of your life are Anchors. Those things that keep you grounded. The ultimate truths about your self that provide bumpers for who you are and who you are not. Not sure if you have those things? Then start developing them now and put them into practice! Slowly but surely a new structure to your identity will begin to solidify.

6) "This is our last resort before divorce."

So you have tried everything. You have run out of options. All is futile. Yes I believe that you have put in a great deal of effort and time in figuring things out. However, the first step is to truly decide to either be fully committed, or not. You can not begin walking down a road you haven't decided on. Many desire to walk a road and be effected by external factors. Treating external factors as indicators or evidences to validate their decision. The opposite is more beneficial.

Prompt : Make a committed decision, one road or the other, and have that decision impact the external factors rather than having the external factors impact you. You have to know the foundation rock on which you stand in order to make that initial decision. If you can't make one, then perhaps you must dig deeper and fully understand your identity before making a life altering decision.

7) "He/ She is always on their phone."

Tools can be used to create and destroy. What more powerful tool than your phone. It transcends individuals to a place of power. Individuals become omnipresent. With a skype, or google hangouts call you can be in multiple places at once. Individuals become sovereign entities, having full control over their online domains. With the ability to control who engages with them and what is being discussed. Individuals become imminent, actively and immediately engaging with their social circles. Individuals become semi omnipotent, being able to make things happen, will their realities. They increase in omniscience, googling just about any question they may have. Gradually finding our identity in these god like attributes can leave people chasing after the wind.

Prompt : Work on finding a balance in life. Draw or write out your spheres of influence. How and where do you devote your time? Technology is not a "bad" thing. It is incredible! But what is more incredible is the person siting right next you, looking down at their screen. What does finding a balance in life look like? I'll give you a hint. It has less to do with screen time and more to do with physical face time.

8) "I don't trust him/ her. "

Trust is the hardest thing to build. It takes so much effort and time. It can quickly be destroyed. You don't want to be "walked all over" but you also understand the other person's struggles. You have positioned yourself to give half of yourself, knowing at any given time you could pull away and be fully broken. So much effort for something that is a facade of trust. If you think about it, all the work and effort that is placed in NOT trusting someone, could be calibrated to begin a path ending in trust. Because we are human and require visual stimulus to engage our mind and our heart, we tend to desire evidence for change. We want enough evidence of non painful experience to overshadow the past or potential pitfalls.

Prompt : Instead of being half in half out, mentally decide one or the other for a short while. Test drive your emotions and see how you respond. Does giving the cold shoulder actually get you the healing you desire? Does engaging in sex with your partner alleviate the pain? More often than not, the story is deeper than that. Develop opportunities of evidences. Structure your relationship to intentionally include moments of trust building. At the end of the day trust is a mix of chemical and spiritual ingredients. Start writing the cookbook to your relationship.

9) "How do I know they wont hurt me again? "

The short answer to this is that you wont. You wont know if your husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, father, mother, sister, uncle, wont hurt you again. You will never know how external factors and variable will operate because we truly do not have full control over those factors. The only true factor we have control over is our self, our responses, our minds. Not knowing if you will get hurt again places you in a nebulous and fearful position. You begin to live in the unknown and paranoia may kick in. Anxiety will increase, and you will feel debilitated. Not a very healthy quality of life.

Prompt : Don't live in fear. Live in truth. It can be easy to allow others to structure your responses. Allowing someone's actions, or your past hurts to control your current and future reality strips you of your dignity. It makes something else in control of you. You no longer become autonomous. Rid yourself of this mentality. Don't feel safe? Seek safety. Don't feel heard? Be heard. Don't feel accepted? Dialogue through the why. If it's too much for that someone to accept you and love you, then find acceptance elsewhere. You are too valuable and precious to live any moment of your life in fear.

10) "This experience has been helpful. Not horrible, or amazing, but beneficial."

Experience makes up the gritty work of counseling. It can be hard, sometimes even messy. The experience, the process sheds off the layers leaving people vulnerable if they are willing to be. By the time the process is over there is a realization. No one was the good person, no one was the bad person. Every behavior, maladaptive or not, is an attempt to meet a very real need. This reality helps to not vilify one another during the counseling process. It makes the dialogue beneficial. Its not good, not bad, but helpful and beneficial. It's not static but dynamic.

Prompt : Prior to going to counseling, understand that there will not be any taking sides. It is not a venture to prove yourself right or the other wrong. Prepare yourself to dive into the depths of your vulnerabilities in order to come out stronger.

-For more detailed prompts and directives, read through the book "How To Have That Difficult Conversation You Have Been Avoiding" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. It offers tagged scriptures and specific examples of how to put into words what you are feeling. -



Geries Shaheen is a Provisionally Licensed Professional Counselor operating in and around St. Louis Missouri. Geries teaches psych classes as an Adjunct at Saint Louis Christian College and offers Adolescent/ Family Therapy through Preferred Family Healthcare . Geries holds his BA in Intercultural Studies from Lincoln Christian University, and his MA in Professional Counseling from Lindenwood University. Holding a certificate in Life Coaching, Geries provides life coaching services to clients online throughout the nation.

Pioneer Counseling Blog

Navigating Change in 2026 with Resilience and Hope

By Geries Shaheen • January 3, 2026
January invites reflection. In 2026, whether you’re a clinician supporting others or a client investing in your own healing, one truth remains constant: change is inevitable—but growth is intentional. The way we engage with change shapes outcomes more than the change itself. While mental health frameworks, technologies, and conversations continue to evolve, the core of healing remains deeply human—rooted in connection, meaning, and courage. The Bigger Picture: A Need That’s Real, and Hopeful Mental health challenges are widespread, yet the story does not end there. Globally, over 1 billion people live with a mental health condition. In the United States, nearly 1 in 4 adults experienced a mental health concern in the past year. At the same time, recent data shows improvements in youth mental health, including reductions in major depressive episodes and suicidal ideation. These numbers tell a dual story: the need is significant, and progress is possible. For Clinicians: Where Science Meets Presence We practice at the intersection of evidence and empathy. Recent trends show that more than half of adults with mental health conditions are now receiving treatment, and nearly 70% of individuals with serious mental illness are accessing care. Additionally, close to nine out of ten people who engage in therapy report meaningful improvements in their lives. What this reinforces in 2026: Evidence-based modalities matter, but how they are delivered matters just as much. Emotional safety is not optional; it is foundational. Small, often quiet gains are still powerful indicators of change. Progress does not always look dramatic. Sometimes it looks like a client naming an emotion more clearly, setting a boundary, or returning after a difficult week. These moments count. For Clients: Your Healing Is Not a Performance If you are in therapy, or considering it, these truths are worth holding onto this year: You are not behind. Healing has no universal timeline. Your voice matters. Therapy works best when your values and lived experience shape the process. Progress is rarely linear. Growth often includes pauses, detours, and revisiting old ground with new insight. Therapy is not about becoming a different person. It is about becoming more fully yourself. The data supports this: the vast majority of people who engage in counseling report improvements in confidence, emotional regulation, and overall well-being. A Shared Journey Forward Clinicians and clients are not on opposite sides of the work, we are collaborators in a shared human process. Hope in 2026 is not blind optimism. It is grounded in effort, connection, and skill-building. It shows up in sessions that feel hard but honest, in moments of insight that arrive quietly, and in the courage to keep showing up. As this year unfolds, may healing feel attainable, growth feel sustainable, and change feel less overwhelming. One intentional step at a time. Geries Shaheen is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Nationally Certified Counselor operating in and around St. Louis Missouri. Geries holds his MA in Professional Counseling from Lindenwood University, BA in Intercultural Studies from Lincoln Christian University, and holds a certificate in Life Coaching, Geries provides life coaching services to clients online globally. Geries is EMDR trained and DBT Certified, practicing from a TIC lens.

DBT Nightmare Protocol

By Geries Shaheen • March 25, 2023
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) was developed by psychologist Marsha Linehan in the 1980s to treat individuals with borderline personality disorder (BPD). DBT combines cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) with mindfulness and emphasizes acceptance and validation of intense emotions. It involves weekly individual and group therapy sessions, where individuals learn specific skills related to mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotion regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness. DBT has since been adapted to treat a range of mental health conditions and is recognized as an evidence-based treatment. DBT has been proven effective in treating a wide range of mental health conditions, including borderline personality disorder, substance abuse, and eating disorders. One of the key components of DBT is the use of specific protocols to address common issues that clients may experience. One of these protocols is the DBT Nightmare Protocol, which is designed to help individuals who are experiencing recurring nightmares. Nightmares are a common experience for many people, and they can be particularly distressing for individuals who have experienced trauma. In fact, nightmares are a symptom of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and they can be a significant barrier to healing for individuals who are struggling with this condition. The DBT Nightmare Protocol was developed to help these individuals manage their nightmares and reduce their overall distress. The DBT Nightmare Protocol is a 10-week protocol that is designed to help individuals learn to manage their nightmares through a combination of behavioral strategies and cognitive techniques. The protocol is typically conducted in a group setting, although it can also be done on an individual basis. The following is an overview of the different components of the DBT Nightmare Protocol. Week 1: Psychoeducation The first week of the DBT Nightmare Protocol is dedicated to psychoeducation. During this week, the therapist will provide information about nightmares and the impact they can have on mental health. Clients will also learn about the common triggers for nightmares and the different ways in which nightmares can be managed. Week 2: Sleep Hygiene During the second week of the DBT Nightmare Protocol, clients will learn about sleep hygiene. This includes information about the importance of getting enough sleep, as well as strategies for improving sleep quality. Clients will also learn about the relationship between sleep and nightmares, and they will be provided with specific strategies for reducing the frequency and intensity of their nightmares. Week 3: Imagery Rehearsal Therapy Imagery rehearsal therapy (IRT) is a technique that is commonly used to treat nightmares. During the third week of the DBT Nightmare Protocol, clients will learn about IRT and how it can be used to reduce the frequency and intensity of nightmares. Clients will also have the opportunity to practice IRT techniques with the guidance of their therapist. In IRT, your therapist first provides you with background information on sleep and nightmares to "set the scene" for learning to manage them. Then, working with your therapist, you create detailed, nonfrightening endings for nightmares you've had repeatedly. Write down and rehearse the nightmares with the new endings. Learn how to monitor your nightmares so you know how well your IRT treatment is working. The goal is to "reprogram" your nightmares to be less terrifying if and when they occur again. Week 4: Mindfulness Mindfulness is a key component of DBT, and it can be particularly helpful for individuals who are experiencing nightmares. During the fourth week of the DBT Nightmare Protocol, clients will learn about mindfulness and how it can be used to manage anxiety and other symptoms associated with nightmares. Week 5: Progressive Muscle Relaxation Progressive muscle relaxation (PMR) is a relaxation technique that involves tensing and then relaxing different muscle groups in the body. This technique can be particularly helpful for individuals who are experiencing nightmares. During the fifth week of the DBT Nightmare Protocol, clients will learn about PMR and how it can be used to reduce the intensity of nightmares. Week 6: Cognitive Restructuring Cognitive restructuring is a technique that is used to challenge negative thought patterns and beliefs. During the sixth week of the DBT Nightmare Protocol, clients will learn about cognitive restructuring and how it can be used to challenge negative beliefs and thoughts that contribute to nightmares. People sometimes experience distorted thinking. Thought patterns that create an unhealthy perspective of reality. Cognitive distortions often lead to depression, anxiety, relationship problems, and self-defeating behaviors. Examples of cognitive distortions include: black-and-white thinking catastrophizing overgeneralizing personalizing Cognitive restructuring allows you to notice these maladaptive thoughts as they’re occurring. And then practice reframing these thoughts in more accurate ways. During this step, you will question your assumptions, gather evidence by self-monitoring on a daily basis, and perform cost-benefit various analyses. If you can change how you look at certain events or circumstances, your feelings and the actions you take may also change. Week 7: Graded Exposure Graded exposure is a technique that involves gradually exposing oneself to a feared situation or object. During the seventh week of the DBT Nightmare Protocol, clients will learn about graded exposure and how it can be used to reduce the fear associated with nightmares. Week 8: Relaxation Training Relaxation training is a technique that involves teaching individuals to relax their bodies and minds. During the eighth week of the DBT Nightmare Protocol, clients will learn about relaxation training and how it can be used to reduce anxiety and other symptoms associated with nightmares. Clients will also have the opportunity to practice relaxation techniques with the guidance of their therapist. Week 9: Self-Compassion Self-compassion is an important component of DBT, and it can be particularly helpful for individuals who have experienced trauma. During the ninth week of the DBT Nightmare Protocol, clients will learn about self-compassion and how it can be used to reduce self-criticism and self-blame associated with nightmares. Week 10: Relapse Prevention The final week of the DBT Nightmare Protocol is focused on relapse prevention. During this week, clients will learn about the different strategies they can use to maintain the progress they have made in managing their nightmares. They will also be encouraged to develop a plan for how they will continue to manage their nightmares after the end of the protocol. The DBT Nightmare Protocol is a comprehensive and effective approach to managing nightmares. By incorporating a range of behavioral and cognitive strategies, clients are able to learn the skills they need to reduce the frequency and intensity of their nightmares. If you are experiencing nightmares, it may be helpful to speak with a mental health professional who is trained in DBT to see if the DBT Nightmare Protocol is right for you. Unsure about adapting DBT into your framework? -A randomized controlled trial of DBT for suicidal and self-injuring individuals with BPD found that DBT was more effective than treatment as usual in reducing suicidal and self-injurious behaviors (Linehan et al., 2006). -A meta-analysis of 11 randomized controlled trials of DBT for individuals with BPD found that DBT was effective in reducing suicidal and self-injurious behaviors, as well as other symptoms of BPD, such as depression and anxiety (Kliem et al., 2010). -A randomized controlled trial of DBT for individuals with binge eating disorder found that DBT was more effective than treatment as usual in reducing binge eating and improving eating disorder-related attitudes and behaviors (Safer et al., 2010). -A review of 17 studies of DBT for individuals with substance use disorders found that DBT was effective in reducing substance use and improving overall functioning (Linehan et al., 2002). Overall, research suggests that DBT is an effective treatment for a range of mental health conditions, including BPD, eating disorders, substance use disorders, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). It is worth noting that the effectiveness of DBT can vary depending on individual factors, such as the severity of symptoms and the level of treatment adherence. Perhaps you are a private practice in the mental health industry, or maybe a large agency trying to get your clinicians on the same page regarding Trauma Informed Care. Consider the Pioneer Counseling Trauma Informed Care Psychotherapy Tx Planner. It really is more than a tx planner, it is a guide and a point of reference. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BQ9FWFMT?ref_=cm_sw_r_cp_ud_dp_0MKBDBQ5PRD8G8NBEJ0B No alt text provided for this image Geries Shaheen is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Nationally Certified Counselor operating in and around St. Louis Missouri. Geries holds his MA in Professional Counseling from Lindenwood University, BA in Intercultural Studies from Lincoln Christian University, and holds a certificate in Life Coaching, Geries provides life coaching services to clients online globally. Geries is EMDR trained and DBT Certified, practicing from a Trauma Informed Care lens.e body content of your post goes here. To edit this text, click on it and delete this default text and start typing your own or paste your own from a different source.
More Posts