MR. ROBOT
Virginia Satir was a very effective social worker who was later given the title "Mother of Family Therapy".Virginia developed a framework in which to categorize communication styles, and in turn client narrates that may be hidden. One of these communication styles was called "The Computer". Perhaps you are in this category.
"The Computer" is very correct and proper and displays no emotion, usually masking feelings of vulnerability. Often they appear cold or unfeeling, hollow like a tin man. A "computer" can have many emotions inside while appearing collected and rational on the outside. They respond with value judgments and usually believes that everyone agrees with them. I also like to call this "Tin Man Syndrome".
One major problem is that "The Computer" can get fed up with holding it in, or may become confused with their intention of holding in all these emotions. These experiences of masking emotions become overwhelming to the breaking point. "The Computer" will explode in a single emotion, for example: Anger.
When a client focuses on secondary emotions, such as anger, it gives way for this very discussion. When we break down the process we find an individual who is converting a primary emotion such as; fear, stress, anxiety, frustration, loneliness, confusion, insecurity, shame, guilt, embarrassment, rejection, devalue, inadequacy, fatigue, depression, hunger.
Let's instill hope! There is a belief that anger is a more powerful expression than others. A belief that says if I act with anger, the discomfort will go away. That perhaps the "bad thing" will stop. And it truly may, but boy is it a temporary fix. The bottom line is that it is an avoidance technique to bypass the primary feeling. We know that when identity is threatened, it will resort to primitive defense mechanisms, anger being a byproduct.
What do you do when someone is trying so hard to avoid a very real emotion? Examine it of course!
Begin by working with the client to list out at least 15 primary emotions. In session, talk about alternative behaviors. Do some Gestalt empty chair work. Grant the opportunity for "the computer" to voice its mind. Then have them speak for the perspective of each emotion. See what the "Disappointment" voice has to say. See what "Fear" has to say. See what "Shame" or "Rejection" bring to the table. Request the client to truly embody each emotion. Begin to interact with these emotions.
While the midbrain is saying
"I have to run out of here! It's too stressful!" (expecting the cortex to sort it out), the above process slows things down a bit. By doing this, the client is processing through fear and focusing on identity formation.This is very impactful because it stills hope!
Lets establish goals. So now that the session
has moved from the abstract to the tangible, the more manageable the experience will be. The more etherial the process, the more problematic and nebulous it will be. A few practical ways to connect the abstract to the tangible is by referring the client to have a CBC (Complete Blood Count) completed. This way all the cards are on the table, ruling out thyroid issues, blood sugar etc.
Calls to action may include making note of triggers, self narratives, and environments associated with anger responses. Stopping when anger begins to build and taking a mental scan of ones chemical reaction. Requesting others to describe how they see the client in moments of anger.
The true challenge is training ones self to go inward when feeling concentrated emotion rather than outward. Keeping in mind everything is an opportunity to learn about oneself.
Need scriptural backing? Here you go. Then comment below! What approach do you take with anger? Do you think you may be a "computer"?
Ephesians 4:26-31
26 “In your anger do not sin” : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. 28 Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need. 29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.
James 1:19-20
19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.
Proverbs 29:11
11 Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.Proverbs 19:11 11 A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.
Ecclesiastes 7:9
9 Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.
Proverbs 15:1
1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.Proverbs 15:18 18 A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.Colossians 3:8 8 But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.
End of line
Geries Shaheen is a Provisionally Licensed Professional Counselor operating in and around St. Louis Missouri. Geries teaches psych classes as an Adjunct at Saint Louis Christian College and offers Adolescent/ Family Therapy through Preferred Family Healthcare . Geries holds his BA in Intercultural Studies from Lincoln Christian University, and his MA in Professional Counseling from Lindenwood University. Holding a certificate in Life Coaching, Geries provides life coaching services to clients online throughout the nation.
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